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his eyes as if the bare light of the single lamp was too much to bear. It was all very
dramatic, which was completely unlike Nathan. Ian figured he hadn t done it on purpose,
but he wasn t in the mood to be charitable.  What are you doing here? Waiting for your
True Love s kiss?  Cause that shit isn t going to happen.
 I couldn t sleep.
 So obviously the logical solution is to drive into town and not sleep here. Ian shook
his head.  You want a beer? Because he could sure as hell use one after his run. He d
come home from working on his house and been so damn restless he d tossed on a pair
of shorts and run so far his legs were shaking.
It still didn t help.
 Actually, yeah. Nathan sat up and rubbed his eyes.  I figured you weren t sleeping
much these days, between adjusting to being back in town and a certain pretty brunette.
 She s not an issue anymore. Ian tossed a beer over and opened one of his own. Since
his fight with Roxanne, he d been craving something harder than beer, but he knew
enough to know drinking whiskey was a terrible idea right now. He d all but given up hard
alcohol after he got back from the desert. The exception being the night he got back into
town, and look how well that had turned out.
Nathan shook his head, concern lighting his face.  I thought things were going well with
her.
 They were. All week, when he was ripping up carpet, steaming down wallpaper, or
breaking tile into tiny little pieces, he wasn t thinking about Roxanne. Except it didn t
really work. She was always there, in the back of his mind, right next to all the
unforgivable shit he d said to her that night. Now, with the space of time and distance
between them, he could acknowledge how fucked up he d been when he d left the
restaurant that night. He d known what a big deal saying  I love you was to her, and
he d turned around and told her he couldn t be with her.
Considering the conversation they d had not twenty-four hours previous to that, he
shouldn t have been surprised that she d reacted the way she did.
 What happened?
 I lost it at dinner with my family last Friday. Even now, the pressure in his chest
thumped at the memory.  It was a mess. So I ended things.
 Wait. You dumped Roxanne because you fought with your family?
 Yes. It was the best for her. He couldn t subject her to all of his shit.
 I hate to say it, but your logic might be flawed. Then again, relationships have been
ended over less. Nathan dropped back onto the couch and propped his feet on the coffee
table.
Ian took the chair opposite the same chair Roxanne had sat in barely two weeks ago.
God, he needed to stop thinking about her. She deserved better than he could give her. If
only his heart would acknowledge that logic and stop aching in his chest.
Then what Nathan said registered. That hadn t sounded like a meaningless platitude
that sounded like the voice of experience talking.  What do you mean?
Nathan smiled, but not like anything was funny.  There was a woman, a long time ago.
It s ancient history now.
As much as he cared about his best friend, he didn t like to think that this was his future
 to be sitting there years from now, telling this story with the ghost of Roxanne in his
eyes. Because, whoever this chick was, Nathan hadn t walked away whole. Ian wanted to
ask for more details since this was the first time Nathan had brought her up, but he
wasn t sure the other man would welcome the questions.  I m sorry.
 Don t be. It s not your fault. And as I said, it s ancient history.
It sure didn t sound like ancient history.
Still, Ian let it go. There didn t seem to be many safe subjects to talk about these days.
 So why can t you sleep? Nightmares?
 More like general insomnia can t seem to turn my brain off. Nathan shrugged.  I
usually come to this loft to think or plot out my next project.
 What are you working on now? Ian had seen the works Nathan had set up on the
gallery floor, and the sheer level of detail in those scrap-metal sculptures amazed him.
With a talent like that, he wasn t sure why Nathan had bothered to enlist in the first place
 he knew for a fact the man made a killing selling his art.
Nathan tipped back his beer, draining half of it.  I m in between projects. I ve finished
the one I was working on the night you got into town, and now I m in the planning stages
of another. It s inspired by Icarus.
 Wasn t that the kid with wings?
 He had a pair, but they were made by his father. He was warned not to fly to high, or
too low, but he managed to do both. Nathan picked at his beer label.  The story speaks
to me.
Yeah, Ian could see how it would. He identified with walking a fine line between one
extreme and the other. On one side, he had the gaping hole of his past, all too willing to
suck him under if he were weak enough to give in to the anxiety that pressed him. On the
other, he had run the risk of losing himself in Roxanne. That hadn t seemed like a bad
thing at the time, but with the sick feeling in his stomach only growing as the minutes [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]